Friday, July 22, 2005

Spiritual Image Haunts Preschool

Kyle Swedenborg, Staff Writer

If the song “Jesus Loves Me” is true, then he certainly has a strange way of showing it. The staff at Tiny Tots Preschool in Eugene, Oregon were shocked to find a lifelike image of Jesus in, of all places, a soiled diaper.

Magdalena Torres was changing the toddler affectionately known as “Atomic Billy” when she discovered the image. “At first, I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Torres. Then, because the face was so real, I thought someone was playing a trick on me. As I looked more closely, though, I could tell Jesus was right there in the poop.”

Site Director Jenna Petramayer was thrilled at the holy visitation. “To me, this proves that we have a very spiritual school. What we are doing here is blessed by the Lord. How else do you explain it?”

Not everyone, however, is convinced. One parent just turned her head away in disgust. “That’s gross. Throw that thing away!” she urged. Another parent had a different take on the dirty drawers: “It looks exactly like Fidel Castro,” he said. “That’s certainly not Jesus. You could make an argument for the disciple Thomas, but not Jesus. Still, though, its clearly Fidel.”

Petramayer and the staff kept the blessed diaper on display for as long as possible, but before long, the stench drove everyone outside. She then reluctantly threw the diaper into the dumpster out back. “It was sad, but I had to do it,” Petramayer said. “My girls were threatening mutiny.”

Some were asking why the Savior of the world would choose to show up in a preschooler’s diaper. Staff member Petramayer had her own ideas. “The pastor of this church is exceptionally holy,” she said. “This is a reflection of his deep spirituality.”

Arlene Linkle, secretary of Living Water Nazarene Church where the preschool is housed, listened to Petramayer’s explanation, and the secretary had her own reaction. “She said he’s holy?” Then, Linkle snorted with laughter until tears ran down her cheeks. The church’s pastor, Byron Barth, could not be reached for comment.

Staff member Torres will always remember the event. “No matter what else happens at this school, to have Jesus’ face displayed for us in such a beautiful, miraculous way taught us one lasting lesson: don’t ever try to save a messy diaper.”