Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Good News Meets the Mean Streets

Gerald Calvin, Staff Writer

The International Bible Society is always looking for new ways to induce people to read holy scripture. Over the years, IBS has produced specialty Bibles for teens, women, men, and more recently, for cowboys and motorcycle enthusiasts. Their latest product is designed to reach some of the most down-and-out people in society: prostitutes. The Word for Hos, due to hit the streets next week, is the culmination of several years of work.

A team of translators, Bible scholars and marketing experts prepared an entirely new paraphrase of the Old and New Testaments they call the Redlight Version. The language was chosen to appeal to ladies of the evening while maintaining the basic meaning of the biblical texts. An example of the new version is given below. It comes from the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well from “John’s Shout Out.”

Jesus went, “Yo, Bitch, give me some water.”

And she was like, “Why you gettin’ all up in
my business, Freak?”

And he was like, “I oughta smack you around
some, Girl. You don’t know who you’re messin’
with. If you did, you’d be begging to suck on my
water hose. And I ain’t playin’.

IBS Spokesman Paul Rosenbaum said the crew left no stone unturned in their research. “This was our most extensive effort yet,” he said. “Our people were so passionate about this they were volunteering to be a part of the project. I’ll bet some of our associates spent more time with the prostitutes than they did with their own families during that time.”

The project leader, John “Velvet Daddy” James, agreed. “There was 100% commitment from everyone here at IBS. The most important thing was to get the Gospel to them hos. Their salvation is all that matters.”

Time spent in the field was valuable not only for preparing the paraphrase, but also for creating study guides and other resources to meet the needs of streetwalkers. One guide that focuses on King David’s adulterous affair with Bathsheba encourages whores to refuse to serve married men. Another one, from Proverbs, gives tips on avoiding sexually transmitted diseases. Luke’s version of the Lord’s Prayer describes how a harlot can pray at all times--even while working.

The new edition comes bound in a sturdy mock leather cover, and the pages are faux vellum to resist stains. There will even be a built-in roach clip, pockets for clean needles, and a secret compartment for cash. The first shipments will be sent to selected markets, and free promotional copies will be given away in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York and near the Capitol in Washington, D.C.


Post a Comment

<< Home